Night

We walked in silence until we got to the middle school. We just stared at each other and smiled, that is enough language for us. My phone vibrated in my pocket, I didn't notice. You did though and you reached and grabbed it, slowly reading the message that was sent. It was from my mom, and it basically said she was unable to come home tonight due to too much alcohol, and that she was just going to stay at her friend's house. A look of happiness came over your face, and you made me stop walking just to listen to you. “Dylan, you know what this means?”

“What what means darlin'? I didn't get to read the message you just kinda took my phone so thanks for that one”

“It means I can warm you up.”

“Why darlin'? What did the message say?”

“Well your mom kinda, 'overdid it' and she isn't going to be home tonight”

“So I got the house all to myself.” As I said this I looked over and smiled at you. Knowing that you knew exactly what I meant. It meant we'd both be able to actually get sleep and have good dreams. We got to the front of my house and as I made my way over to my mailbox I stopped. I had no reason to do that nightly routine since you wouldn't be leaving. You came over, turned me around, kissed me, and took my keys out of my pocket. You took my hands in yours and led me up the stairs to my front door.

Now was the challenging part for you.

I laughed as you tried to get the key into the lock, you never are able to do this for some reason. I came over and gently guided your hands and we heard the familiar “Pop” as the lock clicked and the door opened. We entered the house and just instinctively went up stairs to my room. We were both so far out of it that we knew all we wanted to do was lie down, curl up with each other and relax.

You turn the corner into my room and I hear you let out an “Awwww shit”.

“What's wrong Sammy?”

“Your room Dylan, it is too hot”

“Yeah but it has a bed and I have fans it'll be just fine. I'll be right back.”

“What, where are you going? Don't go please.”

I went and grabbed two pairs of basketball shorts, yes they are specifically basketball shorts. One for you and one for me. We were matching now and you somehow found this hilarious. We laid down though, we were a lot more tired than we originally thought. We got comfortable though and I ended up with your head on my chest, your arms wrapped around me, and your legs wrapped around my right one.

You lifted your head off my chest, looked me straight in the eye and said “I love you Dylan.” We slept well that night wrapped up in each other. We had amazing dreams, dreams that connected, dreams that were about each other and how life would be one day.

What I would have given for the night to have ended like this.

15 Albums in 15 Days

Starting tomorrow I will be talking about 15 of my favorite albums. It will be one a day for 15 days.

I will be posting links to download them too so you can share the greatness(FUCK THE ACTA).

Letter 2

What's up _____,

Thank you for telling me what you did on Friday. Sorry for the long interruption from my mom and changing the seriousness of the situation to one of hilarity, but ChaCha was being stupid. You were there, you saw the answers it gave us. We knew that turtles can be green.

You were nervous about the whole situation, it was understandable, most of the stuff I tell you about I can bring up in casual conversation. For this though, we had to actually make a conversation on the topic.

The topic brought up a part of your life that you have only briefly mentioned in conversations. However though you never really talked about it in detail, I had the basics and I knew enough to know that what you went through was absolutely terrible. I don't know why anyone would ever even dream about doing that to you. Dude's a dick.

You told me about your time with this person and the problems that you two faced. Problems that I can't even believe that you have had with anyone. It was insane that you faced that in your relationship. You, one of the most laid back people I have ever known.

When you were telling me about this I was afraid you were going to make me start crying, I was about to, that is why I got up. I felt the need to remind you that I love you because it seemed that used to not happen. But, every time I tell you my heart jumps, and my feelings only increase with the passing days.

So here is where I feel the need to tell you that I promise I will never hurt you. I know I have told you multiple times, but it will always be the truth. Seeing you in pain is terrible, so seeing you in pain that I caused could only be one of the worst feelings imaginable. I know that the people who told you this before never followed through on their promise. I won't allow any of the promises I make to you become empty. You mean so much to me.

Thank you for telling me what you did on Friday. This is a letter of appreciation to you, what you told me on Friday only brought us closer together.


Rawr

Letter

Sup,

This is me at my worst. I know. Surprising isn't it? Nothing has ever controlled my life like paranoia once did. Routines were made each day when I got up, when I got home, when I got into a car, when I went to the bathroom, and when I went to bed. It is an absolutely terrible thing. No control over my life, and now I fear it may be coming back. Tonight was amazing, until the end. Not because it ended but because you had to leave. I am glad you were here though. I just wish you could have stayed because I really need it. I am a wreck right now. I don't know what to think about this or what to do about it, if anything.

I went to counseling for this specific issue for four months straight. It really did help, issues that I once had before I started were gone. Yet that four months was spent for nothing after tonight. I guess you could say I sort of relapsed tonight, but that kinda makes me sound like a crack head, so I think a better term would be relapsed because it is what happened.

I heard a noise outside, we were on the true ground floor. Only a sliding glass door to protect us from whatever was out there. It was loud. Like a weed whacker hitting metal. Continuously. I ran up stairs to get a weapon, my dad's dive knife. I didn't bring it down though, the noise stopped. But my heard didn't. I didn't mean to run but it was survival mode. I came back down and realized how fucked I was. This was the day I feared, technically the night. I knew that this day could come again. The day where I began to go back to my stupid routines because I felt unsafe. And I did at least when you weren't next to me, assuring me that everything was going to be alright.

You had to go though, I drove you. There was no way you were walking home after any of that. Before you hopped in the car I searched it. There was the moment. The moment where the routines began again. The beginning of it all. I am sorry.

You shouldn't have to see me like this. It's a reflection of my past. A past I don't want to relive, yet a past I can't seem to get away from.

I am glad you were there though, if you weren't I don't know what I would have done.

This isn't a letter to anybody, this is a letter to you. A letter to tell you that I love you, and that I am sorry that this has happened. I am not gonna be my usual self for a while.