Why

My entire world comes crashing down with three simple words you tell me. You can't hide it from me. You never have been able to. I wish you could though. Hearing you tell me the truth is always the hardest thing for me. Yet, you do it all the time. Most of it though, never serious. In fact it has only ever been serious one or two times in my life, and with each word you said you broke my heart. You never showed any emotion to your problems. You've faced death so many times in your life that now you just smile and laugh. Never afraid to leave us just so we can be here.

Today though has been the hardest one for me. You're leaving me in twelve days and you drop this bomb on ,e. You just found out though. I never thought I would be in this state again while you were here. I don't think about these things while you are here, I just enjoy my time with you and try not to come off as a normal angsty teenager. I just be myself, because that is exactly what you want to see. And who am I to deny you that?

Yet, I am up here in my room writing this, an emotional mess. Thinking I am a strong person when I can't even walk down the stairs and say three simple words to you. Words that you always tell me every time I leave the house. And when you utter these words to me I feel the emotion in your voice. I feel you telling me the truth, and it is serious. Why I am not able to do the same, I have no idea. It's just three simple words, eight letters, that combine to make the most serious phrase you could ever utter, and I can't combine them. Not to you at least. I am forever destined to put them on paper and hope that one day I will allow you to read this, to let you know that I think about your safety every day. To let you know that I share those same feelings.

Change that eight letter phrase to an eleven letter phrase and you bring my world crashing down. When you uttered this phrase for the second time in my life to me, my world came crashing down. Nothing else mattered. With eleven simple letters you made me realize once again that I truly love you. And with those letters you brought feelings of heartbreak. And with these letters I unleash my feelings upon this paper to tell you I love you. No matter how much it seems like I don't, I do.

So please let this be the last time you have to tell me you have cancer. I don't think I can take you saying this anymore.